Stanford
by Luckyflossy
Summary: Sam's having trouble with money at Stanford but he's not ready to come to John and Dean for help. When they turn up at his doorstep and find out just how bad things have got will Sam finally accept their help or will he be his own worst enemy? Mainly contains Hurt!Sam. The summary is really bad please read part one for more.
1. Part 1

Stanford

Part One

A dull thudding sound filled Sam's ears. The world was spinning but he couldn't stop now. If he could just keep going for another couple of hours then he could finally sleep. Not that four hours was the most rejuvenating amount but it was better than nothing. He leaned into the nearest table and took a deep breath; he had been working at the diner for almost a year now and the greasy fumes never hesitated to make him feel nauseous. Two more hours.

Sam had just started the slow walk home when he heard a growling roar of an engine that sounded nostalgically familiar. He turned and surveyed the parking lot, it was practically empty but he caught sight of the car he was looking for. It wasn't the impala; it was a soccer mom's ride. Dean would be disgusted. His mind was playing tricks on him again.

He sighed inwardly as it began to rain, running a shaky hand through his hair and shaking his coat. Originally he'd had a bike but that was now gone, substituted with his motel room and textbooks for next year.

The grotty motel before Sam had been his home for the majority of the college holidays. It wasn't as bad as some of the places he had stayed before but it was definitely low down on his list of luxury resorts. His eyes flitted from one side of the parking lot to the other, a routine check he had never grown out of before entering his room.

Sam had jerked back as he saw a black clad figure leaning against the wall. His hand shot toward the gun he kept hidden by the door.

"It's pointless Sammy. Already found that one, it's a little obvious, isn't it?" Sam could see the smirk on the figure's face.

"Dean?"

"The one and only," Dean slowly leaned forward and pulled Sam into a gruff embrace.

"You're rusty, Brother,"

"No," Sam smiled wryly, "I'm just tired."

He sat down at the edge of the bed and took a deep breath.

"What do you want, Dean?"

"Straight to the point or what? We haven't even exchanged pleasantries yet." Sam just quirked an eyebrow.

"Okay then, well Dad and I-"

"Dad's here?"

"He's in the car, thought you wouldn't react too well to seeing him first,"

"Damn straight. Dean, he told me if I go to stay gone. Why would I react well?" Sam's frown deepened and the pounding increased.

"Sam, calm down man, are you okay?"

"I just-I don't think I can deal with this shit today."

"Sam, this isn't shit. It's family. Get that into your stubborn-ass head, you need to get other it!"

"I don't know how you got him here but Dad's not going to want to see me, this stopped being a family when he told me to never come back." Sam was panting from his sudden burst of rage and it dispersed almost as quickly as it had come. Suddenly a pronounced cough came from the door. The pair turned around to see John Winchester; their father and commander.

"Sam, I'm sorry."

Sam huffed.

"Is that all you've got to say to- is that blood? Dad? Are you okay?" As Sam studied his father he could see blood seeping through a quickly laid bandage. He glanced back toward his brother and saw that he too was injured.

"Why didn't you say anything?" He could feel the guilt already creeping into his mind.

It had taken him almost an hour to clean the wounds and another after that to tidy up afterwards. Neither of them were particularly life threatening but the pair had lost a lot of blood. Eventually Sam had got his brother and father to accept the stiff bed and ragged sofa before letting consciousness finally let go of his weary grasp on him. The Winchester family were finally together again.


	2. Part 1 B

A blaring alarm jerked John and Dean Winchester into consciousness, leaving them wondering what had interrupted their sleep. Sam had slept fitfully but as time had passed he had withdrawn further and further into a deep sleep. He awoke to a once more pounding headache and tired eyes.

Dean jerked upright his eyes searching the room for the culprit of his disturbance. He looked around, wearily wondering where he had fallen asleep last night. He blinked as his gaze reached a standard alarm clock. He was in a motel…in a motel with- _with Sammy_.

He sat up even further scouting the room for his brother.

Sammy was making his way round the room grabbing clothes and gulping down a glass of water. He glanced briefly toward John before closing the bathroom door and leaving the alarm clock blaring. Dean gave an annoyed grunt before propping himself up on his elbows and reaching toward the alarm. He knew that chances were his father was awake and ignoring it, chances also were that he would continue to ignore it until someone turned it off.

Tentatively Dean looked at the cut across his chest, it was sewn neatly as his brother always did and wouldn't scar too badly. Anyway, chicks dig scars. The door of the bathroom opened slowly and Dean took a good, long look at his brother.

Sam had grown again, not that Dean had thought that was possible. His clothes hung limply off his gangly frame. _Odd, _Dean thought, he had distinctly remembered Sammy filling out. He glanced toward the clock – breathing through the headache lingering on the tip of his head. Headaches were normally Sam's thing.

"Shit, Sam, what are you doing?"

"What?" Sam yawned.

"It's five o'fucking clock! What are you doing?"

"Some people have to work. I _have _to work,"

"Not at five in the morning, who works at four in the morning?"

"_I _do."

Sam perched himself on the edge of a table.

"Look, Dean, I'm not actually working yet so it doesn't count, anyway, I need to go now. If I don't then I'll be late and I can't afford that right now, okay. I'll talk to you when I get back or something, okay?"

Dean frowned.

"Alright."

This conversation wasn't over and Sam knew it.


	3. Part 2

Part Two

Dean rifled through the drawers searching for aspirin. Suddenly there was a groan from behind him.

"Ugh, well I feel like death warmed up. Bloody banshee. Wait, where are?"

John grumbled his voice husky from sleep.

"Sammy's"

Dean answered, unable to withhold a grin as he pulled back one of the dreary curtains. Boy did they need to redecorate.

"Dammit Dean." John glared at him as the light flooded the room.

"Did no one tell you to respect your elders?" He moaned angrily.

"Anyone would think you were hungover. Anyway, I'm a big fan of ignoring anything that comes out of my 'elder's' mouth. Dean winked.

"You may have the charms and good luck of the devil but you're not too old to lay over my knee."

"Haha," Dean laughed and John quirked an eyebrow at him.

"You'll have to catch me first, old man!" He yelled gleefully.

"I would if I thought it would solve your insolence,"

Dean smirked back at him.

"Like that's likely." John sighed.

"What time's it?" John ran a hand through his hair, attempting to smooth it down.

"About fiveish,"

"Dammit Dean, why am I awake?"

"Blame Sam, he's the one gallivanting the earth at this ungodly hour!"

"The 'ungodly' hour that you stayed with that blonde until, last week?"

"I was just trying out a new word. And you have to admit dad, she was fine,"

"Save it for show and tell, and leave me out of it! Where's Sammy running off to at this time anyway?"

"Work…apparently. Who works at this time."

"Apparently Sammy."

"Yeah, well…" Dean's voice trailed off.

The cupboard Dean was rooting through was practically empty, other than a couple of wheetos and a few breakfast bars he'd found nothing edible. So far he'd found nothing to eat.

"Found my coffee yet?" Dean grunted in response. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to push away the new wave of dull pain.

"Ungh." He groaned.

Where did Sammy used to keep the painkillers?

He reached over to the side of the bed - looking on the small table for the aspirin that were permanently placed. There was nothing there.

"Dad, I think something's wrong."

The gap of ski between John's eyebrows pinched together.

"Now why'd you say that?"

"I've just got a feeling."

John gave a small laugh.

"Yeah and I had a feeling that me and that banshee were going to get something on but it never happened. Something will be wrong if you don't get me my coffee. You know the rules. You wake me up, you get the drinks."

"That's what I mean Dad. Normally Sam's sipping the triple shot by the gallon and there's not a drop of caffeine in this place. Look around, can't you see anything wrong with this place." Dean had ignored his retort, that's when John knew he should take him seriously. As he looked around he noticed that the room looked barely inhabited. But that wasn't strange; Sam was always a neat kid.

"Sam's never been messy if that's what you mean, at least, not since he was eight."

"Yeah, sure Dad, cos Sam was so tidy that he never ate anything!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well seeing as the only food I found was wheetos and two breakfast bars I take it he's not doing to well."

John scowled.

"No, he'd tell us if he needed help." He said shaking his head.

"Would he? Dad you told him to stay gone, he's a stubborn sonuvabitch as it is, never mind if he's being proud."

"Well then, I guess we better fix that."


	4. Part 3

**AN: Okay so I've never done one of these before (actually that's a lie but the other one doesn't count) and by these I mean an AN. So I'd like to thank EVERYONE who has actually read this fic. I appreciate all your reviews, they make me SOOOO happy. Well I hope everyone likes this next bit, I'm not sure about the beginning myself. I also don't have a clue if this is accurate in Geographical terms because I live in England and it seems we only have one type of weather here: rain. I'm also lazy enough that I didn't do research...I should probably go and sit in the naughty corner now. I only have a few more parts written out and I don't want this to get boring so if you have any ideas or suggestions feel free to add them (but I make no promises...well...only little ones..) So, enjoy!**

Part Three

The weather had been debating snow for over two weeks and finally the soggy icing that was now part of Palo Alto was finally here. The temperature had reached its lowest point and Sam was chilled to the bone. His shoes had long since needed replacing and now were wet through with the brown sludge that coated the roads. He shrugged the thin layer of web-like snow off his shoulders; attempting to keep the only jacket he had remaining dry. He was ready for a rest, not for a vacation with an exotic pool or an ice cold trip to a ski resort (god knew he had had enough of the cold). The only thing Sam wanted was a week's worth of food and sleep. He was sick to the back teeth of stale bread and burnt, leftover diner grease that was labelled food. Teeth chattering and hairs raised he pulled the jacket in closer and tried putting more effort into his steps as he got closer to the motel. A shiver worked its way through his system and he let out a shaky breath.

As he walked into the parking lot he cast a gaze over the cars. Then he saw it, the Impala.

_Shit_, Sam thought, _how could I have forgotten. _Dean and his father would be inside.

As he reached toward the door it opened in what seemed like an almost comedic act. Sam trudged inside, not sure what he should be expecting but dreading it all the same.

"Dean, Sir" he nodded at each of them unsure what he should be doing. John stepped forward, ever the face of what nightmares should fear, and embraced Sam in a bearlike vice.

"Oh god Sammy, what have I done?"

When John finally let him go Sam stumbled backwards only to clasped in a similar hug from his brother.

"Ct…breee D'n!" Sam gasped.

"What was that?" Dean asked releasing him from the hug but maintaining his hold on his brother.

"I couldn't breathe."

"Oh, right."

The silence had grown from an awkward unknown to a silent void. It was bittersweet and a reminder of everything the family had lost. Sam's head was pounding even harder than before and he was surprised that he could manage (even barely) to keep a coherent thought together.

"Sammy," John's voice filled the silence as loud as black ink on paper. It sounded almost vulnerable, the complete opposite of anything Sam would have ever normally associated with his father.

"Why didn't you ever say anything? Why didn't you call? Why didn't you ask for help?"

"What?" Sam couldn't keep the incredulity from reaching his voice.

"Sir, no offence but you officially lost the right to call me that when you told me to stay gone! What do you mean didn't I ask for help? Help with what?"

"Help with the money Sammy."

It was Dean talking now; it made Sam feel as guilty as he imagined it would. The heat was rising to his cheeks and he could almost imagine how ridiculously pink his ears were.

"That works both ways, Dean. Neither of you ever bothered to ask how I was. Anyway, this is all part of growing up, this is part of the life I want, and it's just something I have to deal with!"

"We're here now. Sammy, nobody has to deal with this as part of their everyday life. Look at you, your stick thin and look like you're doing an impression of Sasquatch. If you need help then you just need to ask, we've been asking around. No person you want to be has to deal with at least four jobs. You're a smart boy, smart enough that people would pay you a fortune to work for them if you were given a chance. But you need to let us help you." John said as calmly as he could muster, his voice was laced with muted anger and bitterness.

"How dare you! You only came here so I could fix up after you go on your millionth conquest to try and kill every goddamn nightmare out there. And you come and see me trying to work towards what I've always wanted and are just looking for another reason to drag me back to that life. A life tha-"

Sam's voice broke off as he let out a gasp of pain, keeling over. It felt like someone was drawing on his insides with an knife.

"Sammy, Sammy! Talk to me man! What's the matter?"

Sam gasped again as the pounding increased. He closed his eyes as around him the world went black, fading from reality.


	5. Part 3 B

**AN: I'm not yet sure how much I should add each time I update because I tend to read fics from a couple of years ago (I can't tell if they ever add multiple chapters or parts). SO I thought I'd add a bit more. I'm drawing close to the end of my 'collection' and I'm going back to school on Wednesday *most sarcastic voice ever* 'YAY' so updates may take a while cos I need to get back into a routine. Going to bed at 5 in the morning and waking up at 1pm is unfortunately no longer an option...life perks...or not. SO I hope you enjoy this next bit and pity me at school. I almost forgot what I set out to say. Anything in italics is normal emphasised or a dream, hallucination or a memory...I'll leave you to figure out which. Another note before I begin (sorry, I promise I'll go back to writing after) I apologise for any mistakes in American words/phrases and objects, in the fic - depending on perspective - I try to maintain certain things eg. I put realization (not realisation) or parking lot (not carpark) or color (not colour) but sometimes I make mistakes or get confused, so sorry.**

_The ground was cold. But not an angry cold, more of a warm, bubbly cold._

_Wait no, that doesn't make sense! Sam thought as he ran his fingers through the grass. It was a habit that he'd picked up as child, it was sort of like he was checking that the ground was here, that it was reliable – dependable – making sure that it would always be here._

_Huh, maybe he wasn't just thinking about the ground. _

_"Sammy! Sam, hurry up with that won't you, we want to be finished before the end of next week." Dean moaned. Dean snapped Sam out of his thoughts. Suddenly he wasn't sat on the grass anymore but on a metal chair leaning against a desk in a library._

_"Yeah well by the looks of this we don't have till the end of today never mind next week." Sam said looking up from the book. The words had fallen off the tip of his tongue and seemed to be something along the lines of what his brother expected._

_"That's just not good enough Sam!" his father's gruff voice echoed throughout the room. It was darker now, just like the mood. _

_"Bu-"_

_"Dean." His father warned glaring in the opposite direction._

_"Dad I-" Sam's voice was rough and vulnerable._

_"Sam, you could've found that out five days ago if you hadn't of being doing revision for that stupid exam! You know that lives depend on it; your mother's life depended on it. What's more important to you, saving lives, hunting things or one exam after another that leads to a dead end job and a dead end life!" John roared. This was what Sam hated, the dark side of his family that came hand in hand with the 'family business' as his brother so gladly called it. _

_"Dad this is the life that I want, the life I've always wanted. I'm sorry that I'm not what you want, what you need. I'm sorry that I'm not Dean!" Salty tears burned Sam's eyes as he stared down the raging mess that was his father. He could see Dean within him, and himself but most of all he saw pure resentment._

_"Oh Sam," _

_They were gone._

_"I never wanted this for you." _

_There was a blonde woman._

_"I'm sorry Sammy…" _

_Her voice trailed off into a forlorn whisper. _

_"This never should've been your life."_

_Her speech was cut out by a sudden scream. _

_She was on the ceiling, her hair was whipping around her face as her eyes flooded with realization. This was it. She was going to die. Suddenly the room was on fire around him. Flames licked his skin and the pale wallpaper. The fire shredded it like a tiger – caged and showing no mercy. As the fire died down into blackness he let out a final sentence._

_"Mom?"_

It had been a damn long time since John had picked up his youngest boy. Ten years at least and the last two had been the hardest. John had deeply missed Sammy as any father would do but his knowledge the evil out there only increased his absence. The loss of his youngest son had been a blow that hit him much harder than he believed was possible.

"What's the matter with him?" Dean asked clearing the bed.

"He hasn't got any injuries." Dean answered himself.

"I think it's exhaustion and he looks like he's lost a lot of weight, maybe malnutrition" John said after briefly observing his youngest. Sam had barely entered the motel before an argument had erupted and it had obviously expended more energy than he was used to. John was alarmed by how much weight his youngest had lost. The boy in his arms weighed the same as the one who once reached for his father's arms for comfort and love.

It had been a long time.

John set Sam down on the bed and stroked a hand through his tawny hair. It was darker than Dean's but lighter than his own. Perhaps there was more of himself in him than Mary. Although the passion for knowledge was definitely hers. A shiver ran through Sam and John realized how cold it was in the room. He had not noticed under his thick plaid shirt but Sam had goosebumps under his thin t-shirt. As he leaned for his coat to cover Sam in he wondered just how much Sam had had to give up and why on earth he had ever let him go.


	6. Part 4

**AN: Hey guys, here's your update. It's regretfully not very long but I've had a not so good first day back and your reviews are always a massive pick me up. Thank you all once again for reading this far, I'm not to sure about how I finished this part but maybe you will be. I have also officially RAN out of words (at least the pre-written ones). I'm hoping to get you an update by Friday maybe sooner if I doze off in German. I feel under pressure to have this part at the same level of the others now. Enjoy!**

Part 4

When Sam woke up he didn't ever jerk into reality. He laid there with closed eyes and thought. He could think about anything but usually it was the most basic thing.

_Where's Dean?_

It had been the first thought that he could remember thinking and the last that thought at night. The next thought was usually '_where the hell am I?_' but that was average, mundane, everyone had that thought once in a while. 'Where's Dean?' made a hell of a lot more sense in his book, if you knew Dean you would be thinking that as well.

The sheets were coarse beneath his fingertips and as his thoughts were filled with Dean he let his body take comfort in the bed beneath him. Rest was an undeniable birthright, but that didn't mean that people were given it. That was part of the package deal of life and liberty. No one was truly free; you just work until you have enough freedom to live the charade. But the charade was better than nothing and everything else comes in time.

Better now than ever. Sam thought as he attempted to roll onto his side.

"Sammy! You fucking scared us, man." Dean said, slowly pushing Sam once again onto his back.

"I, uh-"

"No, you're not doing anything until you get at least two Gatorades down you, okay."

"Dean, no! I have to work,"

"I don't give a damn about work, or money or if, in fact, the moon falls from the sky. You're not going anywhere. Now drink up." Dean commanded, uncapping a bottle and pushing it toward Sam's mouth.

"Dean I can do it myself."

"Sammy, do as you're told." John's gruff voice came from the corner.

Sam sighed and started sipping at the drink.

It had been five days since his father and brother had arrived. Five long days. When they had first arrived Sam had only felt anger and bitterness. He may have left but they had left him alone, never calling and refusing to let him come back. A normal life wasn't that much to ask for was it? But as the days went by and he looked upon his family, reunited once more, Sam realised what he had left behind. And just how much of himself he had left behind with them.

Sam had been in a daze since he had passed out. He'd had dizzy spells and felt unhealthily weak before now but had never lost consciousness. Between that and his family's unexpected arrival it was almost like an absurd dream.

He hadn't been outside, other than to diners, in five days.

He had had a full meal, three times a day, for five days.

He hadn't worked in five days.

He had slept for twelve hours, per day, for the last five days.

He was undecided if that was good or bad.

Although he hadn't fainted again the nausea and dizziness hadn't gone away. Of course he wasn't going to tell his brother or father that. It would give them another reason to look at him with those pitying eyes and scornfully grit their teeth.

"Sammy," Dean's voice snapped him from his trance.

"Uh, what?"

"Nothing," Dean shook his head and gave a long look to their father.

"_What?_" Sam repeated.

The two older men looked toward each other, wondering if what they were about to do was right.

"There's a hunt just north of Oregon, a war memorial. Sounds like a simple haunting but it's starting to get bad. Someone almost died last week. It's not even twenty-four hours, there and back."

Sam's face suddenly became stoic and he swallowed.

He knew it wouldn't last. Their family would never be together never mind forever.

Dean's face fell as he saw his brother's reaction. He could see the bitterness that he tried to hide and Dean could only pretend he didn't. Although he pretended to be a shadow of his father, uncaring, unbothered and undeterred, he was probably the most empathetic person when it came to his brother. No one could see him the way he did and Dean wasn't sure if it was a gift or a curse. They were two sides of the same damn coin. He turned to his father, disapproval in his eyes.

_It shouldn't have to be my job._ He thought.

_I'm not the Dad of the family._

_This isn't right._

_I shouldn't have to carry this load._

_Sammy shouldn't have to think we are leaving him._

_Life isn't fair._

The very second the voices came into his head Dean tried to drown them out. Positive thinking wasn't quite the concept he was working with but it was something along those lines.

_I've held this family together for this long._

_If I don't hold this family together who will?_

_Someone's got to be the glue. Why not me?_

He sighed taking a deep breath and wondering just how he was going to fix his family.

**AN: I recognise that Gatorade has no supplements in it or what I'm gonna call 'healing properties' (too lazy to think of the words). But I do believe that people probably misuse it or drink it for 'energy'...basically sugar. I read an artical the other day about how soft drinks could be used to stop famine and malnutrition but once you looked in closer detail (including half an hour reading sciencey websites) I found out that it in fact could do the opposite (due to reliance). This made me think it could eventually become a wives tale or urban legend to have malnutrition countereffects. That in turn made me think it would be something the boys (AKA the Winchesters) are dependant on as a pick me up. If I have any details wrong or if you want to know more (it's okay to be geeky...as we all know) just leave a message.**

**Thanks, hope you enjoyed Flo x**


	7. Part 4 B

**I'm sorry any line breaks or ways to separate bits of this fic and I can't seem to be able to get it to work. I'm also sorry that I couldn't update it over the weekend I had a migraine and I've only just managed to get free time (science homework and theory next….YAY….). But that also means this is hot off the press (always wanted an excuse to use that phrase). I seem to be apologising too much stuff so far so I'll do it again, sorry for apologising. How's life, Guys? I hope you're enjoying this so far! I have LOVED reading all the reviews so thank you to my trusty reviewees (that's officially a word now!). I hope all my babble doesn't put you off but I just found out THERE'S A COMICCON IN DONCASTER! I'm so happy I think I'm gonna die! With that note I shall get back to the story.**

"I'm sorry, Sammy." John's voice broke the silence that had fallen since Dean had gone. Sam knew that it wasn't fair to expect them to stay forever but he had hoped it would last longer.

"Sammy." His father's voice was louder now but it hadn't lost its hesitance.

"Yeah."

"The Hunt" His father probed.

"What about it?" Sam said dryly attempting to keep his face unreadable. There was no need; his father couldn't read him half as well as his brother did.

"We don-" John cut himself off.

"Dad, you have to go, I get it." He said calmly. "So go already."

"We'll go when Dean gets back. We'll only be gone two days maybe three at most. Everything's going to be fine. When we get back everything will be better. Okay?"

"I'm still alive right now aren't I, I can look after myself Dad." Sam said calmly but he was panicking slightly now and his head was spinning as he thought of life without them. This was just a small hunt but one would lead to another. And another. And another. And then they would be gone as quickly as they came. However much Sam didn't want them to go, though he could feel the anger and acrid taste of resentment welling inside him. He wanted this life and as much as the last weeks had almost drawn him to the very verge of his existence, at the end of the day it was what he wanted.

"It's time Sammy." John said solemnly as Dean walked through the door. Sam choked back a laugh as he realized how clichéd those words were. As he suppressed it a burst of coughs caused him to jerk upright and the older two worriedly glanced to each other.

"Go already." Sam said boredly.

"No point in dragging this out then," Dean spoke quietly and it was clear to see that this would be his goodbye. He pulled his brother into a rough embrace, breathing in the calmness he felt wash over them. Sam returned the gesture and then hugged his father in turn. And then they were gone. Sam listened as the car pulled away and it's familiar voice grew further and further away. They were gone.

The room seemed quiet compared to the former noise that John and Dean had made. It was too quiet. It seemed to echo and swell with the sadness Sam felt in their absence. A cool breeze slipped in through the open window as he thought of the jobs he presumably no longer had. A working week had passed and they were unforgiving.

_Even the star worker wouldn't get his job back. _He felt the annoyance build in the back of his mind. Then he remembered the inevitable once again. Dean and John would go. They had strangers to save; strangers who deprived him of his family, strangers who were allowed to depend upon his family more than he could. He felt a wave of trepidation roll down him and gulped in quick, sharp breaths as a pain spread it's way down his neck and chest. Dread consumed him as he thought. It was as if God was taking the saying 'gutted' a little too literally. The truth had that effect. It made him want to scream.

**LINE BREAK**

The hackles on Dean's neck rose as his thoughts returned to his brother.

_He shouldn't be alone. _Dean thought. Hat was a thought that had crossed his mind an awful lot the last few years but it seemed doubly as true now. Sam had needed him, he hadn't been there. He should be with his brother now. The hunt hadn't taken long but they had to watch the sucker burn before they could leave. Not to mention his father was putting it off because if the truth was faced, neither of them knew what they were going to do next. What boundaries had been raised since Sam was gone? Sam was alone now, he was independent. He could take care of himself. The more Dean thought the more he wondered just how much of his younger brother was left? But he'd already proven he needed help. He was ready for his own life's responsibility yet. Not that Sam wanted help. Too bad he was gonna get it.

**AN: I'm really sorry for the cliché phrases and cheesey lines. They were just too irresistible. Also sorry it's so short. Thanks,**

** Flo x**


	8. Part 5

**AN: OH MY GOD! I READ WHAT I UPDATED LAST NIGHT AND I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY. I have a quite sporadic way of thinking but according to my friends I was quite delirious. SO I have rewritten it and I hope it makes more sense now. I don't even know why I wrote it like that but here ya go. Thank you very much and I hope you will enjoy! And by the way Jess will make an appearance.**

"Hello." A small voice rang throughout the room, echoing softly. He would never normally describe a voice as small but that was exactly what it was. Small and powerful with a kindness that made you smile. He grunted in return and then realized that was probably not the best response. He looked up from his library book and met the girl's eyes.

"Can I help you?" He asked. She gave out a pealing laugh. He returned it with a lopsided grin, unsure why she had found his question amusing.

"Well that was going to be my line." She answered, tapping the badge clipped on her shirt that marked her out as library assistant.

"Oh, er, I'm good thank you," he nodded, biting the inside of his cheek awkwardly.

"Yeah?" She smirked. "I'm pretty sure that that book you're reading is in Latin, sorry for judging by your…appearance but I don't think you're exactly the bilingual type."

"Well thank you but I'm quite fluent in Latin"

"Brains and brawn, huh? Are you going to be pulling a rabbit from a hat next?"

Sam let out a breath that sounded remarkably like a laugh.

"And he laughs!" She giggled again. It was the kind of laugh that you would be happy to listen to for hours and hours.

He met her eyes again and realized what made him like her so much. She had a warmth in her eyes that made even the briefest glance seem intimate.

"It seems the day is full of miracles. I've been watching you come here every day and not once have you laughed or even smiled for that matter." She ran a hand through her blonde, curly hair as annoyance flickered across her face.

"Wow, that sounded so much more stalker-like than I intended."

Sam let out another laugh.

"Well I guess you were here first."

"And I guess you're more intelligent than you look."

He laughed again.

"Three in a row. That must be a world record."

When the library closed he realised that he didn't even know the blonde girl's name or in fact where she lived but as he started walking down the road he could hear the pattering of footsteps from behind him.

"Hey." It was the girl. "You forgot your book." She said as she slipped it into his grasp.

"Thanks,"

**__**

  
When Sam got back to the apartment all he could think of was the girl. He leafed through the book and it fell open to a page with a napkin wedged in it. A flowing set of handwriting had the words 'Jess 0799****045' on it. He gave a toothy grin and sitting on the edge of his bead. Suddenly a sharp pain came into his left temple. It sent with it a flash of lights and then darkness. As soon as the darkness faded he was somewhere else.

_The apartment was warm. And it was home. And he had missed it _so_ much. But it wasn't the place that made it his home. It was the girl inside it. The blonde girl. His blonde girl. His Jess._

_One day had merged into two and then two into three when he was with his brother. But it was good. He had seen his family, if only he could share his life and it's normality with his whole family. With his Dad and Dean and Jess. But that wouldn't happen. It couldn't happen. _

_He looked around the apartment seeing so much Jess but her style rolled into his own and the protections that it provided. Salt boundaries had never quite been forgotten nor the symbols and wards beneath the wallpaper and etched into the doors. His eyes lingered on a picture of Jess and him. She looked stunning. She had never needed makeup to look pretty but the light touch of eye shadow had made accented her eyes perfectly. _

_He walked further into the room and let out a disbelieving sigh when he noticed a plate of cookies on the edge of a table. A note had been delicately placed on top, reading 'Missed you! Love you!'. He grinned as he walked toward the bedroom, biting into the cookie. He would have to remind Jess just how much he loved her in return.  
"Jess?" He asked. She was probably out. Sitting on the edge of the bed he tugged off his shoes and leant backwards with a deep sigh. It was so good to be home. _

_As he sighed into the sheets - closing his eyes - he felt something wet and sticky land on his face. Looking skyward his eyes met the enchanting blue eyed gaze of Jess. He was paralyzed, only able to sit in shock as his anchor to normality bled down on him. Suddenly his training came to him, he felt power return to his limbs but it was too late. Fire flashed burning Jess's pale skin and charring her beyond belief. _

_"Jess…"_

_She was gone._

Dean knew something was wrong as soon as he stepped into the motel parking lot. He had left his father in the car and hurtled toward Sam's room. As he turned the handle he noticed it was cold. Colder than it had been the first time he had entered. Condensation clouded the windows and the chilly breath of the icy air raised the hairs on Dean's neck. But he knew his suspicions were correct as he finally set his eyes upon his brother.

Sam was hunched in a corner cradling himself. His eyes were wide with fear and his skin was ghostly pale. He was radiating dread and a trail of tears ran down his cheeks. His mouth was formed in a small 'O' shape and he was shivering violently.

But Dean noticed none of that; not at first. The only thing he saw was his brother in need.

"Sammy?" Dean spoke quickly gathering his younger brother in his arms. He held him tightly but with a gentleness that you would treat a hurt animal with. It was then he noticed the tears, fear and skin.

The door creaked open and Dean's eyes flashed toward it. A default protectiveness was beginning to rumble in his stomach as he held his brother even tighter. It was John. As his father took in the situation before him his eyes darted nervously around the room as he checked that none of the wards or salt boundaries had been breached.  
"Dean." His voice was gruff. "You didn't chec-"

"Not now Dad, okay." It wasn't a question.

"Don't be our Commander, not now. Sammy needs his Dad."

John relented as he heard the masked warning in his voice.

"What's the matter Sammy?" He asked, crouching on the balls of his feet to look at his youngest but Sam was already fading. He blinked slowly nestling himself into his brother's chest and then shut his eyes, falling into a blissful slumber, knowing his brother would protect him.

**AN: I think how I have set this out it makes it simpler to understand. If this is hard to follow or anything don't hesitate to get me to explain, I hope it's not though. The bit in italics is Sam having a dream/vision. It doesn't completely fit into 'the grand scheme of it all' in Supernatural but Sam having a vision right now needs to work for my plot. Hope you don't mind that she's included. I never really liked fics with her in it but if you don't want her that much tell me or if you want her in in it more, again tell me.**

**Reviews are love and thank you for all the follows and favourites and for actually taking time to read this. Not to mention the patience it must've taken you. I'd have already hunted down and threatened me so far…or not because I'm pretty sure that's illegal and I'm a law abiding citizen…on most days.**

**Cheers Flo x **


	9. Part 6

**Omg Guys! I don't even like fics with Jess (I feel so mean for saying that cos she's just so freaking cute and kind) but she's managed to wriggle her way into this one again! If you don't like her I can try and budge her over a bit but it's like she's demanding more time with Sam before…Y'know. Well sorry it's late. I have big news! I am in Beechfield Orchestra now and some serious shit is going down. I mean it. I almost had a panic attack when I got asked. So scared and excited. Well on another note, GUESS WHAT COMES OUT ON TUESDAY!?**

**ADJSFKGODEUJ TRIYTUGFH'vh ]e8iut#r pv#iau;ij **

** ' .**

**Also a massive thanks to crazykazykim, for pointing out the flaws in my logic. **

**Here we go! Hope you enjoy! This is quite a short one, sorry.**

Jess shivered as she took in her surroundings. It was only five to five in the afternoon but already the temperature had dropped to a ridiculously low point. She had moved to California to avoid this kind of weather. The short days and long, dark nights were the least favorite part of her childhood and now they had followed her in the form of freak snow storms.

She pulled her coat tighter, wrapping it round her slight frame. It seemed that winter would be invading her summer. She knew that coming early was pointless. When Sam came he was dead on time. Not a second to early or too late. But she couldn't wait to see him. His dark hair and chocolatey eyes. His olive skin and wolfish grin. She drank in their time together like it was a sweet spirit, meant for her lips alone.

Not even a month ago he had been some random stranger in the library. And now, now he was somewhere else. Not just a friend but not quite her boyfriend…yet. She grinned knowingly to herself. He liked her; she knew it and wasn't going to lie just for modesty's sake. There was only one problem. He might as well as still been that stranger in the library for all she knew about him.

He liked Italian food and had an insatiable thirst for literature. He owned enough plaid to have his own shop yet barely had enough money to buy a new pair of shoes. He was too proud to admit that to her. But that was nothing. He hadn't told her about his past, or how he had got the three slashes across his back or the way his eyes would flit around the room before he entered. He tried to casually pass it off but she couldn't help but notice. She just wanted to know everything about him. His loves and his hates, his quirks and his annoyingly sweet habits, his past, present and future. Everything that was remotely Sam.

She turned around slowly as she heard approaching footsteps. They made soft crunching noises in the cold, slushy snow. That was another thing that seemed so ridiculous. Why, in the books, did snow seem so perfect? Like sugar icing topping a cake. And yet reality showed that the only perfect snow was no snow.

"Am I interrupting?" A husky voice asked, lifting her chin so she met his eyes. She stared at the hazel orbs. They seemed to have seen so much but still had a beautiful innocence about them. She let out a giggle then cringed. Giggling was such a predictable thing to do and she didn't like predictable. That's exactly why she liked Sam.

**Well cheers y'all. Hope ya like. I know there was no Sam really or Dean or John but Jess is just so adorable. I can never decide Sam's eye colour. Jared's seem to change whenever they bloody feel like it but brown seems just right.**

**Thanks Flo x**


	10. Part 7

**So Guys...this is it...I think... End**** of the line. I hope you've enjoyed this. Soooooooooo sorry about the delay but I've been having an awful lot of migraines recently which makes it hard to plot. But I have meds for some of my headaches now so hopefully if I continue with the fanfics then it should be quicker to update. I hope this is as good as some of the other parts but I didn't have any plans for this fic originally so I hope this is an okay ending...**

The room was charged with tension leaving the three men inside bristling and furious.

"Sammy, last time we left you we came back to you on the floor and in pain, the time before that you were dying of freakin starvation. I'm sorry to burst your bubble. I've said it before and I've said it again, but you are not staying here. You are not staying here!" John's voice was raging.

Sam turned to his brother.

"And you, what do you think?" He muttered trying to cool his resentment.

"I just want you to come home Sammy, is that too much to ask? I want us to be a family again. A _proper _family. Everything can go back to the way it was."

Sam grimaced.

"_Home_! A _proper_ family! What the hell would you know about that." He laughed with a detachment that he didn't even realize he had. "We've never had a home and this stopped being a family when he," Sam gestured towards their John, "Stopped being our Dad and decided to become our commander!"

He looked towards his 'family' cynically. Maybe he could be okay with the fact that they didn't want him to be here. He could definitely live with it. But they had pity in their eyes; Pity, concern and doubt. A doubt that Sam couldn't do it. A doubt that he wasn't strong enough. Sam knew that John had always had that doubt but Dean! Dean was his older brother, the one who had always supported Sam and knew he could make it if he was just given the chance. But now he had forsaken him too.

"You still don't understand, do you!" Sam's voice was cold and bitter.

"This is why I left. I am capable. I can live my own life and it's going to be by my own terms! Okay?"

He jumped to his feet and walked towards the door slamming it behind him.

"Ouch," A voice said slowly. "Bad timing?" Jess asked already turning away.

"For you it's never a bad time." Sam spoke calmly lacking his previous anger. He swept an arm round her waist, pulling her towards him.

Together they walked down the street, hand in hand.

"You know I had a dream about you last night," Jess began.

"Not in a creepy I'm a perverse young lady kind of way I should hope." Sam laughed at her comically shocked expression.

"Nah- I only go for the good lucking ones."

"And she has a bite."

"I'm being serious Sam. I had a dream and we were together and..and… I think I love you Sam."

She traced her hand across his cheek. Never once blinking. It seemed like an eternity until he replied.

"That is so weird-"

"Sam!"

"I'm being serious, it's weird cos it's a coincidence because I love you too."

"Have I ever told you that I hate you"

"Not as much as you love me though," He said, calmly kissing her once on the cheek and then again on the lips. It was a long lingering kiss that lasted and lasted until Jess felt lightheaded but it was then she knew. She knew that Sam was a keeper and Sam was hers.

***SPN***

" I just don't know Dad. He's right. It's his life to live."

"I just want him to be safe."

"And so do I"

Dean looked out of the window towards the sight of his brother and Jess. He had never met the girl face to face but she had left quite an impression on Sam. Gone were the days of fast food and skin mags. His brother had finally grown up.

"Maybe," He swallowed hesitantly. "Maybe he's better off here. He can have a life, a family."

"You said, he already had a family."  
"I know!" Dean snapped.

"But he needs to live. You can see it in his eyes. He has a desire. A desire for the good life. He wants his very own Brady Bunch and I don't think we fit into that equation, Dad."

"I hear ya. But he's my boy and I don't, I don't want to…"

John's voice trailed off leaving in its place an empty silence.

"I was just trying to say, maybe it is time to let him go..." Dean said slowly.

***SPN***

When Sam walked back into the motel he could sense that something had changed. It was so blatant, so damn obvious but he just didn't know what _it_ was.

"Sam," that was odd. He could only recall a handful of occasions his brother had called him that.

There it was; the change. It was time for his choice.

"It's been rocky for a while and I get it if you are staying. Hell! I know that you're staying but I just want you to know it's okay and I understand and…" his voice cut off.

There was the unspoken I love you that Sam had begun to accept.

"See you Son" his father added his to the silent goodbye.

"Bye."

And there was his. There never had been any question in his mind about leaving, not really and the only regret he had was that it was so soon they had left.

***SPN***

"Quite a sad display really." A mocking voice came from the other side of the parking lot.

"I really expected more of you Sammy Boy. No tears. No fight! It's almost as if you've just accepted it. Oh well I haven't even started with this family yet!"

"A little clichéd don't you think? Bad guy at the end of the scene" Her black eyes contrasted curiously with her creamy skin and dark hair.

She looked towards the glowing, yellow eyes before her.

"Perhaps but that is what makes it _ah-" _He searched for the words whilst gesticulating slowly. "That's what makes it more _interesting_!"

"If you say so." She said snarkily and then laughed with distaste. Her voice had an uninterested drawl to it and as her eyes flickered toward Yellow-Eyes she rolled them boredly.

**I've left this open with a possibility for another fic maybe, something that follows in this way. I have some ideas but if you do tell me and I'll try writing it up...**

**Thank You All.**

**Floss x**


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